i'm falling sick. can feel the flu coming. feverish.


i found a match against Mr A-- Ms W. oh man she damn power. she is so much more yeeritating than Mr A. i truly experienced the extreme of "hua bu tou ji ban qu duo" (loosely translated as when you cannot click with someone, half a sentence is too much to say to him/her). i really couldn't be bothered to be polite. i asked her to shut her trap (in my head). i merely nodded and gave a half smile like what kenji's brother used to do haha. can't she tell that i dun really want to noe the things she is talking about. can't she see that i'm bored. oh i'm such a jerk. ppl only trying to make small talk. blame it on my bad mood lah. but it's not the first time. i just cannot stand talking to her. next time i will siam her. i need to lift my life condition.


Ms W: Have you done your XXX assignment?
Me: No...But i read the readings already. Oh who's your teacher by the way?
Ms W: XXX
Me: oh (dunno who). Mine's XXX
Ms W: oh she's interesting rite!
Me: (are you sure you noe her, wadeva) i find it very dry. quite boring. as in the subject.
Ms W: oh no it's very interesting wad! dun you think so. i find it very interesting.
Me: (i already told you i find it boring) oh i mean the subject not the teacher. (what the hell. wadeva ya)
Ms W: you noe last week we did the writing skills, we were like......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Me: (forces a half smile weakly. hey i din ask)


i nearly fled the bus, had i not been late. she went on with a whole load of crap about me having been to both JC and poly. well kids, to you you may think its a waste of time, but i feel perfectly alrite ya. i am not ashamed of myself in any way. well at least i'm a fucking bit more sensitive than you are =)


when we went into the LT i saw one seat empty at the side. being the nice LL that i decided to go to the back where there were two chairs so that she did not have to sit alone if i chose to sit at the corner. i reached my seat, spun around, there she was, tucked neatly in the corner seat. i said "F**k lah!"(in my head). people express surprise that i want to become a teacher. when i look at ppl like tt, i shudder in fear and disgust for their future students. Yikes! ppl who are not at all sensitive to others, who doesn't think when they talk, who are so pretentious.


sometimes blogs are just so "for show nia". i feel obliged not to write nasty things about ppl just in case they read them and find what i wrote uncannily familiar haha. nah i'm not a hypocritical asshole. there are ppl whom i really dislike. well i guess not everyone likes everyone rite? hmmm maybe i'm just trying to find an excuse for myself.


my self confidence is squirming away if squirm is a right word and if i had any at all to begin with.


oh man, i'm a bloody human being

i was on the train this morning and i saw an indian guy. what striked me was a concave dent in his head. around the forehead eyebrow part. the dent must have been about close to 10 cm in circumference. i didn't dare look too long. i din want to be rude. i dun look upon him with contempt or whatsoever. i just felt that was part of life. of course i felt a pang of pity. but at the same time i was thankful that i look normal. and i should be contented with the things i have. i guess not everybody has them. we just tend to take too many things for granted. thinking we'd be happier if we were a little shapelier, richer, had more of these and had more of that. they are some people who are deprived on certain things that we thought any normal person has. at least he had courage. we keep trying to cover our flaws with makeup and pushup bras. some do not try to hide them. i'm not trying to make slight of that guy i met. i really feel for him. i can only wish that he had a little more in other areas. yes you may say it's only appearances but i'm sure you wouldn't say that if that happened to you. why are we so caught up with the way we look. about the way we may appear to others?


i'm still feeling tired. esp with so much to do. i need a break.

i had the most leisurely afternoon =) din go to school todae. felt too tired. having migraine. went to see doctor at 2 but realised that they only start at 3 after lunch. so i went to Big Bookshop to walk walk. it's good to just take a walk by yourself at your own time sometimes.

Doctor says i have migraine and tension headache. blood pressure also low. how do you get your blood pressure up? eat more fats so that your vessels get blocked? haha just kidding. i am not about to do that.

I do feel the pressure coming on though. from school. there seems to be so much to be done. i must start doing them conscienciously. do my readings and stuff. endless things to worry about. to think about. hmmm.

i dun understand why and how people cut others from them. i am blinded. well it's not like i dun have a part to play. there are somethings that i just dun understand and can't see.

Looking forward to chinese new year

haven't blogged for a really long time. no time to. dunno what to. didn't feel like it to.

does showing your weaknesses mean that you are really weak? does hiding it mean that it isn't really there? or are you the only person who chooses not to see it? what is wrong with being not strong enough? sometimes these people baffles and confuse me. i fail to understand people although i see them everyday. i am losing my confidence by the day. i wonder what i will end up with at the end of it. can it get any worse? i think it could. a bottomless shithole. falling. falling. right into the centre of the earth. sucked into an abeyance of endlessness. i make it sound so bad. it's not that bad. i just dun feel like that. there is no need for words of comfort or concern. i am not being arrogant. i just need a carthatic outlet. yes i do not have to publish it. but i just feel like it. sometimes i just dun want anyone to care. just leave me alone for a while. i may be stoning sometimes but i am fine. i just want to sit and stone for a while. get what i mean? i'm pretty much ok.

lately did you ever feel the pain? oasis comforts me =) time to read.